I call this image that I used for the main post “Torn in Two – Which way to fall?”
So following the tragic loss of life in Bucharest, it has given me time to think and re-evaluate my entire existence on this planet.
I’m not saying that those events have given me a wake up call, needless to say it’s been a long time coming, but it certainly give me a push in the right direction, or should I say.. a different direction.
I’ve been in some form of relationship for the past 8 months, quite an interesting one.. full of surprises and unexpected pleasant twists, the major twist being that we were both not calling it a relationship but instead we were just living in the moment and enjoying each other as much as we could, things were perfect.
We both had our freedom, we both knew where we stood and the interesting thing is, despite little flirts here and there with others, (come on it happens.. let’s be honest).. we knew we had each other, or at least that’s how I felt about it!
I don’t want to go into this too much but lets say that it seems that something changed along the way, in fact, it was me.. Maybe I got to used to it? Maybe I got a little distracted… but the worst thing about it was, I didn’t see what was changing right before my eyes until it was a little too late.
At this stage, neither of us know where we stand.. and this is a really bad situation.. I can’t shake it, can’t get it out of my mind.. can’t even focus on something else, to the point that it has been driving me a little crazy.
So what do I do? Well, simple really.. I reach out! After all, I have a Facebook friends list with over 1,500 people on it… needless to say, I don’t have 1,500 friends.. but I began to realise that people are very disconnected from the world and even worse, from each other. Considering Social Networking is supposed to bring us closer together, fact is.. it doesn’t… at least not for the ones that are close by? … you still following me?
So, I moved from England in 2013, I remain connected with my family through Facebook and FaceTime etc etc. This is great, we are connected… but the times I feel the LEAST connected to my ‘friends’ is when I am talking with those who are physically close to me, a 5 minute walk or drive.. 10 mins on a bus… whatever, but they’re also available at my fingertips via Facebook or messages pretty much any time.. or maybe not?
I recently created a little image for Facebook outlining the frustrations around when people take the time to read a message but cannot take the same time to reply, the way I put it is, “If somebody came up to you and said, “Hello..” to your face, would you simply ignore them and not respond?”
Of course the answer should be NO but we do it every day, I’ve done it a few times although I genuinely try not to, but you find that some people do it and do it and do it over and over again, and after a while, it starts to become quite hurting that people can genuinely read a message because they’re curious and then when they realise it’s a simple “hello” or whatever, it’s not interesting enough to respond to, you can easily test this by sending a follow up message about how it’s ignorant that they ignored you, admittedly, don’t be a dick about it.. but if you are really getting angry or upset about it, you should not let people walk all over you, make it known to a degree that you wanted to reach out to them and you just want the courtesy of a simple reply, even if it’s, “Hey, really busy right now, talk later.” It’s better than Facebook’s auto generated “seen”. That says, “don’t care” to the person who’s getting used to seeing that stupid word.
Anyway, rant about that OVER.. how does this tie in with me and my relationship you might be asking? Well it’s simple… it’s about ignorance.. I personally make an effort to not be ignorant to people who I speak with on Facebook or whatever, yet I was ignorant to not give the care and attention that my partner deserved… she became disinterested and the only time I realised this, is when I got the real life. “Seen” message when I was speaking to or doing things for her.. that sucks.
The real life “seen” message is the ultimate reminder of how it feels to be ignored by someone.. even worse, someone you care about. When that happens, you need to change things about YOU and the way you’re doing things or treating people.
You can point fingers indefinitely, you can pin the blame on whatever or whoever you want.. but it still comes from somewhere, people don’t lose interest or ‘switch off’ for no reason, unless they’re totally messed up, people DO get used to each other, and that can be a shame but turn that into a positive, if you’re ‘used’ to each other, try something new to push yourself into another exciting direction, don’t forget that EVERYTHING was new once and remember how damn awesome that was? Don’t you want that again? OF COURSE YOU DO!
I don’t really know how things for me and her will work out, but I’ve been for a walk in the cold tonight to try and clear my head, there’s a big decision to be made and unfortunately, it’s not really being made by me, I guess I’ve already made my decision, will it stick? Depends on whether I can push through all this negative emotion that I’m experiencing right now, it will be a team effort but it might be possible that we are passed the point of return already?
Not something I want to think about, but it’s true.. sad but true, and they say it all the time, “you never know what you’ve got until it’s gone.” – Ain’t that the truth?
Don’t want to seem over-dramatic.. but it’s true… you do feel bad if you finish a relationship with someone or you miss a friend who you argued with.. how many people do you know who have been in a long-term relationship, something went bad, and they broke up.. 2 weeks later, back together again… then 2 or 3 weeks later. back to breaking up? It’s simple… it’s the same thing that CAUSES the relationship to fail in the first place… We FORGET and we LOSE SIGHT of the things that matters, and in the absence of that person, we are almost forced into remembering the positives again and again, which makes us miss them.. and hence the ‘getting back together’ part until you experience the bad things again, you’re reminded of the bad and break up and the circle continues.
Simple fix: Don’t forget the very reasons that you got together, make that the foundation of your relationship, tuck it in there along with trust and respect.. after all, if you can remember all the reasons that you got together and you keep them driving you forwards and wanting you to progress the relationship, boredom shouldn’t set in because you know what made you tick before.. you can keep ticking on and on… this time, ring a few bells or doing a little dance, do something to JAZZ UP the foundations, build your mansion or palace.. live there, be happy and keep decorating, freshening and doing nice things.
This is an important lesson, we can learn so much for our failures and our mistakes… they shape us, change us, make us happy, make us sad but how many of us can really say we have changed from them? Personally, I can say I change a little bit each time, but how many people must I hurt or how many times must I hurt myself before it’s perfect?
It will never be perfect, if you think it will be, you’re in for a shock.. if it IS perfect, tell me your secret… there will be humps and bumps, there will be “waves” as my manager calls it.. and you just need to ‘ride the wave’ every last one of them, don’t let them knock you down.. you’ll be come stronger and better from each one of them.
So moral of the story? Simple really, don’t lose sight of the simple things, make time for those who make time for you, take the time to tell someone you love that you love them, reply to those messages you receive, don’t forget because you NEVER know, when it might be too late.